literature

Painting Roses Gray

Deviation Actions

Leaving-My-Mark's avatar
Published:
726 Views

Literature Text

You've colored all your roses gray.
Have you lost your passion
And tossed aside your cares?

You've sprinkled dust upon your heart.
Have you forgotten
To let it beat?

You've sewn your lips with silence.
Did you ever realize
That they sing lullabies to me?

You've bleached your eyes with blindness.
Were you sick of seeing reality
Or sick of seeing me?

You've stuffed your ears with silence.
They will never hear "I love you" again.
Did you memorize my voice?

You've made yourself a book of weather worn pages.
Each feathery leaf rippled like wood,
Their words blotted and wearing away.
Just something I thought of and started writing out of the blue.

In a way, it's very formulaic up until the last stanza. Every stanza up until then starts with "You've" and then some sort of verb. And yeah, the last stanza does that, too, but it doesn't have a question in it like all the other stanzas.
My question: does the formula keep the poem fresh or does it grow stale as you continue reading?

Also, does anything in this sound too cliche? My main concern with all my poetry is cliches. I want my stuff to sound as original as possible.
© 2010 - 2024 Leaving-My-Mark
Comments39
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
TanEgg's avatar
Dear Leaving-My-Mark, by writing this poem you have already left your mark.